Category Archives: Discovery

State of Flux

flux |fləks|
noun
1) the action or process of flowing or flowing out
2) continuous change

As I state on my homepage, I am in a state of flux. This can unsettle me. I thrive on structure and am challenged by my present lack of a career plan. Here is a look at where my plans have been, and how I am addressing my occasional unease.

In elementary school, I thought I wanted to be a veterinarian. It’s a great answer to the question “what do you want to do when you grow up?” Ranking right up there with doctor, teacher, and lawyer, parents and educators smile and say that’s a fine idea, and you’re safe until college.

Prior to the start of college, I decided to follow a path more outdoors related. I thought “conservation biology – that’s where I will make my mark.” (In the meantime, “conservation biology” became “wildlife biology,” but that is a minor detail.) I could become a researcher and university professor. Again, smiling approval from those around me, and I felt more certain of this direction, until Fall 2011.

Faced with an upcoming graduation, I began to apply to PhD programs in wildlife biology. As I did so, I began to think globally about the decisions I was making. If I was going to pursue a PhD for 3-5 years, my course of study would very likely determine the course of my career. This was an uncomfortable revelation. Uncomfortable first because I had a sense I was not wholly taken by any of the projects I applied to, and second because without those projects, my plan forward became uncertain.

Fast-forward to fall 2012. I completed my master’s degree in August and work almost full-time for the US Play Coalition. Most days, I feel like I must be one of the happiest people in Clemson – I have a job I enjoy, a fantastic boss, good friends, a sense of belonging and of being needed. I finally have time to read books, blog, go to football games, go out to eat, watch TV and movies, and more. Still, moments of doubt creep up, and I question my decision to stay. In large part this doubt is fed by knowing the overwhelming majority of people around me are students “progressing” toward a degree, and I am not. The juxtaposition causes me to feel as though I have stalled.

Then in a timely moment, I read this article: Gala Girl. Now I see that I have not “stalled” or stopped “progressing,” rather, I am “developing myself.” I am building career skills, from budget forecasting to strategic planning to serving customers to developing products. When I succumb to doubt, I diminish my ability to fully engage with these opportunities. Thus, my new goal is to maintain a perspective of self development, which will take reminding from time to time, but now I have this post to help me do that.

“Growing Home”

I spent last weekend in the company of close friends, though truly, they are more like extended family. I was at the 85th Reunion at Eagle’s Nest Camp, and we were all “growing home.”

Inch by Inch, Row by Row

The mountain air was fresh and brisk in the morning, and gave way to a pleasant warmth as the sun rose over the valley. We laughed as we shared memories, both new and old, and engaged in some of our favorite camp traditions: singing, meals, square dance, hiking, campfire, and ceremonies.

I feel lucky to have been a part of this reunion because I have only known of Eagle’s Nest for three years – some have been going for over 50! It seems no matter how long you have known “The Nest,” it becomes a part of your story. Friendships formed at Camp are deeper because of our shared sense of place and our commitment to community and kindness. I can honestly say that I have met some of my closest friends there.

On Saturday morning, I was able to run the big valley loop. While running, I realized a large part of my Eagle’s Nest story took place on the roads around camp.  I passed the gravel road that would make a short loop, the house with the barking dog, the pasture with the horses, and the fields of corn. Because I was never a camper or student, I was always entitled to the roads as my ritual retreat. Here I could be near camp, but also away, in a time and space I created. Some who visited camp this weekend needed to go into the woods and on to the trails that were the site of some of their greatest growth and fondest memory. I needed the gently rolling pavement of Hart, Crabcreek, Old Hendersonville, and Everett. Happily, we all found our way home.

Big Valley Loop

I left camp this weekend with my soul refreshed. The next reunion is in 15 years. Where I will be then is nearly impossible to guess, but for now, I know there will always be a home for me on Hart Road. I cannot think of a better way to welcome the arrival of fall.

A friend and fellow-runner sent this picture to me in response to this post. There is something beautiful about saying “Hart Cascade”
Making new friends at camp is a must. So is wearing facepaint 🙂